I’m tired tonight. I’ve always been a news junkie, but now the habit is overwhelming. I’ve OD’d and I still feel like I’m missing everything. There is too much coming too fast. And none of it is good.
I’m scared. I don’t like a lot of what I’m doing. I’m not crazy about constantly fighting on facebook with people I know. I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve said. And I’m not sure that any of it is getting through to anybody. I’m not a politician, I’m not a reporter anymore. I don’t have any special skills or great ideas to pull this country back from the abyss. All I can do is bear witness. All I can do is say what I see and what I think. All I can do is try to listen.
“And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good.”
I want to crawl into a bubble. I want to have soothing platitudes read to me by people who agree with everything I say. I don’t want to be challenged and I don’t want to hear from people who say I’m wrong and that I’m what’s wrong with the country. I don’t want my moral underpinnings and my comfort to be threatened, even as I don’t want my comfort to be my moral underpinning.
I’m disappointed in some people. I’m disappointed they believe what they believe, but I’m more disappointed in those who will not, who cannot actually listen to another person. I’m disappointed in those who seek comfort in homogeneity of thought, of belief and who find comfort in conformity, even as I wish I could allow myself to wallow in that conformity, even for a day.
Mostly I’m disappointed in myself, that I’ve not been able to transcend our times, to make a difference, to change minds. I’m disappointed that I haven’t been able to hear, to really hear more of those people and to understand what drives them. I’m seeking that understanding. I find myself more comforted by religious texts than ever before. I am, for once, nestled snugly in the bosom of Mother Church. But that’s just Francis edging the church toward my bubble. I don’t feel any closer to or more distant from God. But the church agrees with me on the pressing issues of the day and we can ignore our differences.
All I can do is bear witness, so I will keep on bearing witness. I will keep on striving to listen and I will keep on failing. I hope it’s enough.
Oran Today 
It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to allow yourself to rest. In fact, it’s more important than ever to take care of your physical and mental health.
You are making a difference. You are putting the information out there. You are dealing in facts. I read your posts often, and I’ve marveled at your patience and lack of condescension.
We all need a break sometimes, and we all need encouragement and support. These times are hard, but we can do hard things.
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